I'm Just Saying

Ok, there are a few things I need to get off my chest, so forgive the rant-y nature of this post. Take this as a series of letters from the editor to the world of entertainment.

Dear Brandy,
I know you're a single mom and all, and maybe you need the money, but why the hell are you on that America's Got Talent? YOU have talent, use your powers (good singing voice, pretty face, likeable personality) for good! I can't even watch the thing, what with the Hoff and the Simon Cowell-y guy and Reege doing their canned schticks. I barely know what the show's about, except for what I see on the Soup. You are better than this Brandy! How in the world did you become Jaye P. Morgan on this modern bastardization of the Gong Show? Why don't you call your old friend Monica and see if she wants to duet with you again? It's not too late! Save yourself!

Dear Creators of Grey's Anatomy,
I have now made several attempts to watch your program and still cannot get through one episode. It's not the writing (I think the writing is really good), it's not the supporting cast (I quite enjoy George, Cristina and Burke), it's not even the heartstring tugging music (I get it! I'm supposed to be moved by what I've seen). It's Dr. Meredith Grey. She bugs me. Even when she's being all tough, she still looks like she's going to fall apart. I understand she's dealing with a lot of stuff (her mom, Ronald from Can't Buy Me Love, long hours), I've watched enough to know that it's very challenging to be a surgical intern, but seriously, she needs to pull herself together! The show is about her, but she's the one I care about the least. You want to know how little I think of her? If she were my surgeon, I would ask for someone with a bit better control over her emotions to cut me open. I would want them to fly in Dr. Benton from ER to work on me, and I REALLY hated him. Grey is not instilling any confidence in anyone by being so freaking weepy. And please, someone, feed her already!

Dear VH1,
Stop telling me about the artists I ought to know about. You aren't going to convince me any time soon. Nothing makes me more resistant than being told what I should like. If you want to play those videos without the little "this new artist and song are going to change your life" intro, then I might give it a chance. That's how I discovered Five For Fighting's Superman and that worked out well. I wanted to know more, I bought the album, I became a fan. That's how it is supposed to work. I don't need to hear about how they became musicians and how they write their songs and how their first single is SO incredible. To be honest with you, VH1, every time I see and hear the You Oughta Know thing, I change the channel. That's right, I tune out. The You Oughta Know thing is now the same as a commercial to me, which I know is what a video is anyway, but still. Maybe I would have discovered those artists on my own and looked forward to seeing their videos, since you so rarely show videos anymore, but no, you've ruined them all for me. It will be years before I can accept KT Tunstall and the Fray as a part of my life. Thanks a lot.

Dear Paula Deen,
Thank you for Jaime and Bobby. You raised those boys right. It's a comfort to know that there are still some sweet southern gentlemen out there and that they are into food. I love that they call each other "brother," I love that Jaime spends the entire episode laughing his ass off, even when Bobby is cutting on him and I love that they love you so much. When they showed up to surprise you in Paris, I cried along with you. Bless their hearts, they love their momma. Way to go, Paula!

OK, I feel better now. I think I'll go back to bed for a while.