I didn't sleep well last night. I was anxious. Probably because I had to go in for a routine test at 8 this morning, but I won't have the results for two weeks. The doc did not seem worried, so I suppose I should just put it out of my head until I hear from her. Easier said than done. Also, my body now must readjust to getting out of bed before 9am. Grrr. It didn't take long for me to be spoiled by Christmas vacation. Sleep in, read the paper, take a nap, shower and dress, hang out, read some more, watch the Law and Order marathon (Jerry Orbach, you are missed). I guess my body and mind really needed it. It was nice to spend some quality time with ML and make up for the long hours I'd been working. I know that being a lady of leisure is probably not what it's cracked up to be, but I had a good time pretending. Of course I didn't do too much writing. That's ok, right? Sure it is. I can be a writer without writing consistently.
Ok, seriously, how do people do it? How do people get up every day, pad over to their computers (or notepads) and produce? FOR A LIVING, I mean. People get paid to write (and just write) all the time, all over the world. Ok, some people write and teach while other people write and proofread or write and babysit. How? I know that the first step is to actually send something out, get eyes on it. I tell ML all the time that he's got to get his stuff out there in the world. People should be listening to his stuff. Why is it always easier for me to be the cheerleader and not the quarterback? What's my problem? I asked Furonda the other day if she thought that I was the kind of person who enjoyed my mediocrity or if I was simply the kind of person who feared excellence. In classic Furonda fashion, she suggested option C. Perhaps I am simply a person who does not know where or how to begin on the path to excellence. In some ways, I think this is true. I think that I wandered off the path when I graduated from UofH (or perhaps that particular path ended). I had no plan, no prospects, nothing. I had accomplished what I had set out to do, what had been expected of me since birth: go to school, get good grades, get a degree. OK, now what? That "now what" turned into 8 years in a job that I probably only enjoyed for five years, and not five years in a row. Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot, made great friends and all that good stuff, but I stayed in the game too long and really started to let it get to me. Anyway, back to what I was saying. There's got to be a way to make this happen. I need a plan or an outline or a mentor or something. If I'm going to get in the game, I think I need a coach who's played. I wonder where I can get one of those?