Friday, August 11, 2006

I'm Just Saying

Ok, there are a few things I need to get off my chest, so forgive the rant-y nature of this post. Take this as a series of letters from the editor to the world of entertainment.

Dear Brandy,
I know you're a single mom and all, and maybe you need the money, but why the hell are you on that America's Got Talent? YOU have talent, use your powers (good singing voice, pretty face, likeable personality) for good! I can't even watch the thing, what with the Hoff and the Simon Cowell-y guy and Reege doing their canned schticks. I barely know what the show's about, except for what I see on the Soup. You are better than this Brandy! How in the world did you become Jaye P. Morgan on this modern bastardization of the Gong Show? Why don't you call your old friend Monica and see if she wants to duet with you again? It's not too late! Save yourself!

Dear Creators of Grey's Anatomy,
I have now made several attempts to watch your program and still cannot get through one episode. It's not the writing (I think the writing is really good), it's not the supporting cast (I quite enjoy George, Cristina and Burke), it's not even the heartstring tugging music (I get it! I'm supposed to be moved by what I've seen). It's Dr. Meredith Grey. She bugs me. Even when she's being all tough, she still looks like she's going to fall apart. I understand she's dealing with a lot of stuff (her mom, Ronald from Can't Buy Me Love, long hours), I've watched enough to know that it's very challenging to be a surgical intern, but seriously, she needs to pull herself together! The show is about her, but she's the one I care about the least. You want to know how little I think of her? If she were my surgeon, I would ask for someone with a bit better control over her emotions to cut me open. I would want them to fly in Dr. Benton from ER to work on me, and I REALLY hated him. Grey is not instilling any confidence in anyone by being so freaking weepy. And please, someone, feed her already!

Dear VH1,
Stop telling me about the artists I ought to know about. You aren't going to convince me any time soon. Nothing makes me more resistant than being told what I should like. If you want to play those videos without the little "this new artist and song are going to change your life" intro, then I might give it a chance. That's how I discovered Five For Fighting's Superman and that worked out well. I wanted to know more, I bought the album, I became a fan. That's how it is supposed to work. I don't need to hear about how they became musicians and how they write their songs and how their first single is SO incredible. To be honest with you, VH1, every time I see and hear the You Oughta Know thing, I change the channel. That's right, I tune out. The You Oughta Know thing is now the same as a commercial to me, which I know is what a video is anyway, but still. Maybe I would have discovered those artists on my own and looked forward to seeing their videos, since you so rarely show videos anymore, but no, you've ruined them all for me. It will be years before I can accept KT Tunstall and the Fray as a part of my life. Thanks a lot.

Dear Paula Deen,
Thank you for Jaime and Bobby. You raised those boys right. It's a comfort to know that there are still some sweet southern gentlemen out there and that they are into food. I love that they call each other "brother," I love that Jaime spends the entire episode laughing his ass off, even when Bobby is cutting on him and I love that they love you so much. When they showed up to surprise you in Paris, I cried along with you. Bless their hearts, they love their momma. Way to go, Paula!

OK, I feel better now. I think I'll go back to bed for a while.


Anonymous said...

That's my girl...

Anonymous said...

Dear Daisy,

As soon as I saw the "Dear VH1," I knew there would be a jab at my girl KT. I, too, am resistant to anything VH1 tells me to like. (Even though I haven't watched VH1 in maybe 7 years. But whatever.) Hearing Mr. Five for Fighting's whiny "It's not easy to bee-eee meeeee" makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a spork -- because, well, that would be more pleasant. But I digress. Get over the KT Tunstall thing. It's good music. That's all.


Tk said...

Brandy's getting screen time again?

Anonymous said...

Hey I told you about KT after my visit to Edinburgh in 2004, so maybe you should reconsider that one. But I get what you're saying. I just don't watch any more.


Anonymous said...

Ok...First of all, Brandy, Hay Dios Mio! Her expressions over that quick change duet was like "OMG! How do they do that?" (I only know this because someone e-mailed me the clip) she must have taken acting lessons from William Shatner. Yikes, she must feel since The Hoff is all drugged up, face lifted within an inch of his life & has as much expression on his face as Joan Rivers, she has to over compensate.

LEAVE Grey's Anatomy alone, although, I do agree with you on Meredith. She grates on me, I want to slap her & REALLY give her something to cry about! How 'bout crying about screwing with George's head so bad that he gave himself a haircut with nail scissors, & he looks like he came out of that movie with Orlando Bloom, Liv Tyler & Sean Astin with the gnomes..what the hell is the name of that movie??? they still play music? I only watch the trash when the Yankees are off. Have you seen Celebrity Fit Club?? What a riot! Big Pussy from The Sopranos is on it & he runs like a girl. Isaac fromt the Love Boat, Carnie Wilson, Tina Yothers, Detective Martinez from NYPD Blue! LOVE it! REAL trash TV. As per your Five For Fighting song, I want to slit open my throat with a paper clip when I hear it.

And lastly, I MUST comment on my Paula Deen..LOVE HER! Adore her boys & if I can run away & become part of their family I'm all over it! Sammi & I have a crush on her boys...also, on Jim Rowe from Dirty Jobs. Now that's good TV!